White Lightning TV Advert.

Two average white British lads are playing Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon on a PlayStation 4 on a large flatscreen television.
The apartment has a freshly decorated Dulux sparkle and all the furniture in the living room, including the sofa they are both sat on is from IKEA. One of the lads, Gary, is laughing wildly at the game on screen as his friend Trevor rubs his throat and says, "I'm feeling a bit parched mate, have you got any beers in the fridge?"
Gary replies, "Nah mate I ant been t'shops yet, there's just that 3 litres of White Lightning in there I reckon!" They both stare at each other for a moment until Trevor says. "Well it's 11 on the am! Let's have a little taste!" They both crease up laughing. Gary pauses the game and goes to the sideboard, taking out two crystal flute glasses that were a wedding present, "Classy." Says Trevor as he goes to grab the large bottle of cider from the fridge. As he re-enters the room cradling the 3 litre bottle like a. new born baby he hands it to Gary. "Are you sure?" He says to Trevor and they both crack up as he unscrews the top. He delicately pours out the beverage and they both start sipping ravenously, soon slurping it down like 12 year old girls partying with the employees of a Bradford kebab shop. 
Soon the bottle is halfway done.
The once elegant flutes have now been replaced with jam jars from the cupboard. Traces of both strawberry jam and nuttela are still visible inside both jars. "Drink of Champions!"shouts Gary before punching his friend square in the face. They start to fight and a large bronze owl is thrown directly at the flatscreen TV by Trevor in the mêlée."Right that's it!" Yells Gary as he starts to choke Trevor to whiteout, smashing his head against a bookcase. The Cider is now finished.
Just then two huge bolts of lightning tear through the living room of the apartment. Smoke fills up the room in an scrid white cloud as both men fall to their knees choking.
A couple of seconds pass as the white smoke starts to clear. As the moment of clarity arrives in the now cleared air both men are sprawled over the sofa. One of them, Trevor, has no trousers on and appears to have been raped. There are empty pizza boxes all over the floor and the TV is smashed to pieces along with the Playstation and one of the windows looking out onto the street below. It's just now that we hear a series of loud blasts on the doorbell.
BbbbbriiiiiiiinnnnngggggggggggggGgggg!!!
Gary stumbles through the wreckage to open the front door.
He pulls warily on the handle.and is surprised to see an officer of the SS, Hitler's personal shock troops! immaculately dressed holding a new unopened bottle of White Lightning. The German officer clears his throat and respectfully clicks his heels together as he hands the bottle to Gary and says.
"For you Tommy, the war is over!"
Fade to black.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Chess Players.

Image
The Socialist Chess Club of Leith met every Thursday evening in the Turkish Barbers Community Art gallery at the foot of Leith Walk. Maxi Paddock had purchased the Barbers from two Kurdish Brothers with money that his Father had sent him to buy a Range Rover. The Brothers had fled to Istanbul shortly afterwards and left no forwarding address. Maxi was a thirty year old Communist agitator and artist from Central London. He didn't believe in bourgeois programming and thought that the white western imperialist needed to be re-educated through small community interactions like the Chess Club followed by fine tuning that would eventually take place in larger camps once they seized power. Anna Chikatilo was Maxi's partner in the Chess Club and in life. She was a large, formidable trans activist originally from Rostov on Don. She claimed to be a blood relative of the notorious "Rostov Ripper" Andrei Chikatilo. She had been responsible for introducing the strong t...
Read more

Green.

Image
Ali Mostin ran a successful business from the backroom of the Mosque in the economic zone of UK23. His organic fertiliser had enriched the gardens of the UK taxpayer since the middle classes had fled the war zone that was London in 2028 and retreated to more peaceful surroundings in gated communities that had sprung up around the outskirts of the Metropolis. "Ali's Sunshine" as it was known served a dual function in a society that now had a problem with rotting corpses proliferating around the destroyed streets of England's capital city. In theory Ali's deal with the Royal Dogfood Company allowed him the collection rights to criminal's corpses that were either too mangled or had decomposed beyond the realms of dog consumption, at least this had been the original idea. As the battles on the streets had become more brutal and the weapons employed more deadly it would not be too out of place to see a stray ear or hand lying in the gutter of any street...
Read more

The Rap Game.

Image
After what felt like years of blood sweat and grind Jerry Heller or JQ, as he preferred to be known, had at long last become a major player in the UK23 Hardcore Rap scene. His portfolio of artists included  "Black Hawk Down" "Lil cunt" "White Meatball" And his world beating superstars: "HaHaHamas and the Rotherham Gigolos" From his bunker below London's streets JQ promoted gigs, made promo videos and even scouted for talent with his army of heavily armed robo dogs as they picked through the ruins, bones and the twisted metal carcasses of destroyed cars to send back 24/7 video feeds to JQs state of the art Sandoz Media Console. Just last night there had been a heavily armed battle between The Vietcong and a drone swarm that had resulted in mass casualties on the ground. The battle had become a holly.sensation amongst the British taxpayers living out in gated communities around the outskirts of the big city. JQ blew a blonde dredd l...
Read more