Frankie Boyle: Sell Out Of The Left.

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The Chess Players.

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The Socialist Chess Club of Leith met every Thursday evening in the Turkish Barbers Community Art gallery at the foot of Leith Walk. Maxi Paddock had purchased the Barbers from two Kurdish Brothers with money that his Father had sent him to buy a Range Rover. The Brothers had fled to Istanbul shortly afterwards and left no forwarding address. Maxi was a thirty year old Communist agitator and artist from Central London. He didn't believe in bourgeois programming and thought that the white western imperialist needed to be re-educated through small community interactions like the Chess Club followed by fine tuning that would eventually take place in larger camps once they seized power. Anna Chikatilo was Maxi's partner in the Chess Club and in life. She was a large, formidable trans activist originally from Rostov on Don. She claimed to be a blood relative of the notorious "Rostov Ripper" Andrei Chikatilo. She had been responsible for introducing the strong t...
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The Shattering Truth of the Octagon.

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K lent against the jungle stones and ran a large hand over the insect bites on his shaven head. He looked tired in his oversized military jacket and he let out a sigh. M took this as an opportunity to attack the larger man but froze paralyzed as K opened the palm of his right hand to reveal a diamond sat there, alive with colours. M tried to gain control of his body now in the disorientation and illusions of the jungles discomfort and pain.  The jewel in K's hand grew quickly as a folding out world of blue and white lights. M diminished in size as the fluorescent dazzle engulfed his consciousness. He was being shot through this Cannon of light into some kind of arena or fighting cage. He could feel the cool tarpaulin against his skin as he awoke in a foetal ball, as naked as day one  It sounded like the arena was packed full of punters screaming for his blood. He jumped to his feet and all he could see around the Octagons wall was the infinity of self reflecting mi...
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Weight Watchers

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Del Shatner arrived home from Weight Watchers feeling like a new man. He put down his bag and started lighting the scented candles scattered around his flat. There were quite a few vanilla nose quakes to spark up, around thirty at his last count. Del caught sight of himself in the large floor to ceiling mirror where the fireplace used to be. He was a slightly chubby, although not fat, man in his early fifties. He turned his back to the mirror and ran a hand over his arse, barely contained in the tight embrace of the grey lycra yoga pants. This had been the first year out of the last five that Del had refused to go hunting wild boar on the French island of Corsica in the Mediterranean. He had ended up having a furious row with his best mate about it. The truth was he was desperately trying to seek approval from the lady that ran his Weight Watchers Group: Tabitha Khan, and when she described his past pig hunting to him as "deluded macho bollocks" he knew that he...
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